I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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