dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
