I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
