he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
