Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You are a genius and a whore.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
