Me. At least after what I've been through.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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