we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
