Apparently you make a good broom.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
