I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
