Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
