I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize