I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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