It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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