She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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