Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
