I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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