I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
