YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
