Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
