Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
