Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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