To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
