I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
