Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
