Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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