I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize