is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
