yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
