It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
