Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
