Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We got so high we made milksteak
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
