I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
