batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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