Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
