i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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