i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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