i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
