ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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