I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dicks are not precious.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
