i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
