You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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