i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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