ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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