so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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