every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
