no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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