walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
