He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
