I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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