its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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