I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
