Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?