I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize