whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
