The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.