when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
