I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
