Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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