Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?