We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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