I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.