rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
