It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
