I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
