Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
