And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
