By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
