2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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