pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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