my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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