Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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