I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
