well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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