how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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