I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
