What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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