I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
