I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
