I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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