Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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