Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
