Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
