am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
