Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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