I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As shirtless as possible
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
