NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
